To Lucy, From Your Vagina

Dear Lucy,

It's me, your vagina.  Long time no see.  No seriously, I still exist down here.  There's a whole nether world of your body that you've been neglecting lately, me and my friends the lady bits.  And your current lack of sex, while depressing, is no excuse for a little helping hand.  Or vibrator.  Or tight pair of jeans on a dryer.  Sweet Jesus, anything!  We're dying down here! 

Love, V

P.S.  Get laid soon or else we're taking hostages!  Now go read some tasty smut: Black Dagger Brotherhood